Well, after coming back from Group, I still didn't feel too good. But when lunch arrived, who did I watch walk out of her room to eat in the dining room with all of us? Nadia. I was so happy to see her there. She had never eaten in the dining room, always in her room. She grabbed her tray from the cart and walked to the table I was sitting at and sat down with a half smile, half grimace. With a crackly voice which was hard to hear she said, "I am sorry, I do not know what your name is, but I thank you so much for making me feel so much better and so wanted. It was very brave of you to ignore what the counselor was saying and try and help me knowing that it would bring back your own feelings."I told her, "Hello Nadia, my name is Dave and you are more than welcome. I felt an obligation to say something and to look after the new arrival folks as other patients had done for me when I was a new arrival."
"Well, it meant a hell of a lot to me, thanks again." she said.
I simply smiled and told her "My pleasure."
We sat the rest of the meal just eating. Not saying anything to each other or anyone else. I didn't want to force her to talk, I figured she would do so in her own time. And I was right, later that evening, a few of the other male patients and I were sitting in some chairs talking and she came and joined us for a very long talk about our problems, why we were there etc..
Knowing I made her first day a little easier made me feel amazing. I had carried on the "tradition". I had "Payed It Forward". From that day on, I noticed Nadia removing herself from her room more and more often and it made me feel good. It made me proud of her for continuing to face her fears as I had, and it made me proud of myself for sticking my neck out to help another human being who was obviously in need. Another human being who just happened to have the same issues I do with self-esteem, anxiety, and large groups of people.
I met some amazing people in my short 6 day stay there:
There was Don, the Brian Dennehy look-a-like. Don is a well-traveled, intelligent man who holds a Master's Degree in Advanced Biblical Studies with a minor in Communications. He speaks Russian, and was a Pastor for 14 years. During this time, he started three churches, one in Woodinville, one in Marysville, and one in Federal Way. Don is an all-around compassionate man like myself who would cut his hand off and offer it to someone who was in need of it. Don, I wish you well brother. I know you and I will be in contact after we both get out of here. I now consider you a friend and someone I can count on to talk to when and if I ever have anxiety issues as well. And as I mentioned to you, if you ever find yourself starting to spiral down, you know you have me to lean on anytime of the day, any time of the night. I look forward to hanging out with you in the future.
Then there was Ron. An ex-minister who, after his wife passed-away, tried to grieve using booze. On these multi-day booze binges, Ron would disappear from his family, his home, his life. Ron, according to me, was being given WAY too much medication the first few days he was here. He walked around aimlessly all day and night. And once even went into another patients room and put on their clothes. After 2 days or so though, they got his meds straight and we saw the real Ron underneath all of that medication. Another stellar man. Compassionate, very very friendly with everyone, and definitely a man driven to succeed in his quest to ditch the booze, cigarettes, and depression. He constantly talked of his grand kids and his love for hunting for Native American artifacts in his home state of Missouri. Ron, best wishes in your continued effort to purge your mind and body of the booze, smokes and depression. You are a genuine person. One whom anyone can get along with and relate to. You have grand babies now brother, it is time to mold yourself into a role model for them. And as you once said to me in tears, "I never want to hear my grand kids say 'Where is PawPaw' again." Neither do I Ron, neither do I.
Next we had a woman named Nora. This is not her real name as she asked me if I Blogged about her to call her Nora. No one would ever know who she really was even if I used her real name, but I will honor her wish and refer to her as Nora. This woman was very nice and reminded me a bit of our childhood neighbor, Maggie Flaherty. Though a few years younger than Maggie, she had many stories to tell us about her life in the 1960s which would have put her in her twenties. This woman had lived during a time of many drugs, many drinks, and many sexual escapades. Of course she didn't go into any of her personal sexual stories but she did mention an offer her boss at an Italian shoe store proposed to her. Lets just say Nora is far from a prostitute and declined the offer. That story gave us something to laugh about all day and well into the next day as well. Nora has allot on her plate. Her husband is wheelchair bound, she has two mid-teen boys at home, both with bi-polar disorder and starting to delve into illegal activities and getting in trouble with the law. She also has an 18 yr. old daughter who is now facing jail-time for forgery after her and two of her male friends acquired some checks that did not belong to them and tried to cash them. Plus, if that isn't enough, she works full-time. Nora was on The Ward with us because the stresses of home just got too much for her. And like me, you will agree that Nora has three times the stressors in daily life as you or I.
Nora, I am glad to see that you finally realized the benefits of The Ward. After hearing you trying to talk every staff member that walked past you into going home, it was relieving to hear you say that you were going to stay the duration that they suggested. Keep dwindling that list of yours down to human-capable portions and I have no doubts you will succeed in life. Use the tools you learned on The Ward to minimize those new incoming stressors. If you find yourself becoming too overwhelmed, call "DO OVER" like we all used to do in child games when we made a bad shot, or missed the goal, make a new list, and cut down on those stressors that are not 100% important. You know how to do this, I sat next to you and watched as they taught you. My best to you friend. I think of you allot and chuckle to myself everything I think of high-heeled shoes or Pictionary.
Last but not least of course is Nadia. A 30-something sister-girl who looks at least 10 years her younger. This poor woman entered The Ward looking as if she was heading to the gallows. It took me all of 2 seconds of looking at her face to know that she was dealing with fears and anxieties as I was. I instantly felt a bond with her.
Though we didn't have much time to speak Nadia, you progressed very quickly in the last day and a half. Have faith girl. They will catch the devil responsible for your fears. And when they do, great relief will be yours to be had I am sure. Trust me, if Don and I could track this "thing" down and find "it", "it" would crawl away from us with none of "its" male reproductive parts intact. Stay true to yourself, take care of yourself, and remember, self affirmations are very powerful. I have one here for you... THIS WAS NOT MY FAULT!
As you can all see, my walking into the hospital that chilly Saturday morning was life-changing for me. I not only got a VERY strong grip on my fears, my anxiety, and my self-esteem issues, I have a new-found love and hope for people and society as a whole. I never knew there were so many genuinely caring, compassionate people in the world, never mind my own county. During one of the Group Exercises, I was able to ask anyone in the group a question. I chose to ask Don the following question: If you could live in any time period in the world, when would it be and why?
I chose Don for this question due to his intelligence and world travelling. I was interested in what time and part of the world Don was most interested in. Expecting to hear some grandiose short story from Don about when, where, and why, Don simply said, "Now.". Then went on to explain why. Don explained more eloquently than I will here I am sure, that society as a whole is more compassionate during present time than at any other time in history. That humans are more caring to each other than they ever had been. When I heard this, I did not so much agree with him at the time. Now, I agree with him in entirety. It seems Don picked up on this fact quicker than I did, and I thank him for putting it in my brain for later thought.
I think if more folks in this world could suffer from issues like Don, myself and others at The Ward, they too would realize the power of human compassion and they too would have the chance to...
"Pay It Forward"
*** Please keep in mind, my referring to the hospital as "The Bin", or "The Ward", is not meant to humiliate myself, or anyone else that has found themselves in a mental institution. I use these terms merely for humor factors. =) ~Ð ***
No comments:
Post a Comment