Last night I did not sleep well at all. I lied down with Loyda at 10pm. My eyes would not stop flashing from left then to the right. I tried and tried to force them to rest but to no avail. I lied there, in bed, next to Loyda, tossing and turning and finally went into the living room to sleep on the couch as to not keep her awake. That didn't work either. I went to the PC and tried to keep myself occupied there but all I could think about was the coming 8 hours of hell I was about to endure. Eight hours that would seem like an eternity to me. I knew I did not have the option of leaving work early as I had promised Loyda I wouldn't.
I lied down on the bed knowing I had to sleep if I had any chance of getting anything done at work tomorrow. It was now 1:30 AM and the thought of being away from Home, my "safe zone", trapped by 10,000 eyes prying at me kept my mind busy. My trembling turned to outright uncontrollable shaking that woke Loyda. She stroked and tried to calm me. I eventually fell asleep.
I awoke again at 2:30AM to an empty bed.I walked into the living room looking for Loyda and there she was sitting on the couch crying and reading the Bible. I asked her to come back to bed but she stayed and read. I fell asleep again eventually but heard every noise in the house, every noise in the apartment, every noise in the county. Asleep, but not asleep.
The alarm went off at 3:30 AM and I got up feeling as if I never went to sleep at all. Knowing I have 8 hours to endure & not looking forward to it. Honestly---- scared. Scared of what? I can not answer. I do not know. I must go. I want to stay. Oh do I want to stay. I am afraid. I am so tired. I want this to end.
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